Bag Relapse

It’s happening again. We’ve seen the warning signs, we’ve felt the tremors, but it’s now officially back. LeBron is acting like a bag.

Just when you think we might be past this, he comes back. Guy grows up, wins a couple titles, gets married, and comes home to Cleveland. He seems to have totally turned the corner on the dude who counted titles, glossed his team The Heatles, and ducked into the restroom during his first return to Cleveland to dodge the player intros.

It was like he left all his bagness behind. Then it returned.

Because nothing brings out the bag quote like social networking. And when LeBron isn’t tweeting thank you’s to Kendrick Lamar, post-game pics with all his teammates but Kevin Love, or retweeting links from Nike, Beats, KIA, Nike, Warner Brothers, or Nike, he’s being cryptic as hell.

Subtweeting like an annoying ex-girlfriend. Don’t we have to assume he’s sub tweeting his teammates.? Especially with vague, anonymous reports floating around that they’ve been “miserable” under his leadership… Allegedly. He’s been tweeting things like:

It’s this simple. U can’t accomplished the dream if everyone isn’t dreaming the same thing everyday. Nightmares follow. #TheDC #SFG. 

Wait, there’s more: The ultimate level of chemistry is when you know what I’m thinking without saying a word and we execute it. Visa Versa. #TheDC #SFG

or

Can’t replace being around great friends that reciprocate the same energy back to you in all facets of life

or my favorite: Do not take his greatness or anyone for granted!

What? Like, don’t take me for granted, or fail to appreciate how lucky you are to have I or I’ll bounce. I’ve done it once, I can do it again!

I mean, is that a threat? I know this: its bag play.

And when asked about that thread, Bron barfed out his worst line since “I’m taking my talents to south beach.”  QUOTE “Just my mind working. I got a beautiful mind and I want to use it sometimes in a social manner… They’re for the educated mind. So if you have an educated mind, they hit home for you.”

Goosebumps, Professor James.

Big time academia for the high school graduate over here.

Love a guy bragging about how educated he is, after uttering the sentence “I got a beautiful mind.”

Who are you, Russell Crowe? As for your beautiful mind, Bron, the tweets in question, read like they’re from a 7th grader’s diary. Educated on what- The Hunger Games series?

Go ahead and express yourself. But stop congratulating yourself for sharing some passive aggressive shots you took at some unnamed teammates and some motivational mumbo-garbage that’s about as deep as the Fortune beneath a Bazooka Joe comic.

I mean, what’s next, Bron- bragging about your workouts? ROLL IT.

Wow, look at the lunch-pail warrior we’ve got over here.

Hey everybody- LeBron played basketball for two straight DAYS… and then got in the gym! How many of us are still working out after a back to back? Well, most of us work 5 days straight, and get in 20 minutes on the bike in the basement. But we don’t take a selfie vid and share it.

If there’s one thing that’s baggier than telling everyone how educated you are, it’s showing everyone how hard you work out. One step forward, two steps back. And the Bag in the King is back. 10 minutes ago he was killing it in movies, being a leader, keeping his mouth shut. Now he’s fallen back into double-barreled d-bag mode, saying I’m smarter and work harder than you.

My best advice, instead of reminding everyone how much smarter you are and how much harder you work than we all do… Call your bag sponsor. You’re having a relapse.

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