You might know D’Qwell Jackson as the Colts linebacker who launched Deflate Gate. But he’s also now the guy who deflated a pizza man’s face.
Jackson was just found guilty of simple assault, following his arrest for punching a pizza delivery dude. He could face up to 180 days in jail. I’m not gonna say I WANT him to go to jail, but I’m not against it either.
Who the hell punches out a pizza guy? What did he ever do to you – bring mushroom instead of sausage on the pie? What? You decided his tip was a dotted eye?
Personally, you won’t ever find me any happier, or less violent than when I’m dealing with the delivery guy. He just showed up with a piping hot circle of pepperoni and dough.
Punch him? When the pizza guy shows – I want to hug him. I’m ecstatic. I don’t care if he showed up an hour late, drove over my lawn to the front door and forgot the garlic knots – I still love the dude. D’Qwell Jackson punches him.
And over what? A parking spot. I get that for some people, parking spots are reasons to go. And if you’re circling for a spot, finally ID someone who’s backing out, throw your blinker on, wait for it….. And then as you’re about to pull in, somebody darts over and steals it… That’s a parking lot war crime. I get that.
But that’s not what happened here. The pizza man was reportedly in Jacksons’ “assigned parking spot in his home.” That’s not a reason to go.
When you pull up in your luxury sled… And you see some dude’s Taurus with the sign strapped to the top of the car, you don’t just give him the hands. Especially on a guy busting his ass to deliver pizzas and make some tips. That’s a tough racket. And especially tough when you pull up to an address, throw on your blinkers, only to come back and get blasted in the face by an NFL linebacker. Bad karma, bro.
But the best part is – pizza dude has also filed a civil suit for 1.5 mill. And I hope he gets it. Best tip ever.
I’ve got you Pizza Dude Nation. Jackson is supposed to be tackling Patriots and Steelers, not laying out Little Caesars
This post brought to you by Jim Rome.