Stop It, Geeks

Meanwhile while everybody is SMHing at the Padres, they’re ordering their Trevor Story jerseys. This Rockies rookie is the exact opposite of the Padres. They haven’t scored a run in 3 games. He has 4 home runs in 3 games. Something else that had never happened before.

Barry Bonds hit 16 home runs in his first entire season. Trev Story had 4 in his first series.


Obviously- the dude is not Barry Bonds. And no, he’s not the Rockies new Troy Tulowitzki. Getting that hyped up about the dude after 3 games… Is like crowning the Masters leader after Day 1. It’s almost always some guy who’s ranked 152nd in the world, who pulls a Thursday 66 out of his backside, trends on Twitter for 24 hours, then coughs up an 81 and misses the cut.

I’m not putting Story in the All-Star game right now. But damn, I’ll put this dude in the home run derby. We all know that dog could use some fresh faces with huge power.

And I know what you’re thinking-  big deal. He did it in Coors Field. I could step in right now and knock a whiffle ball out of that joint, Rome. Wrong. He jacked them all on the road in Arizona. 4 bombs and he hasn’t even stepped into his home field bandbox yet.

There’s only two things this dude’s doing that I don’t like. 1. Sending onpaceguy into a frenzy, calculating that Story is “on pace” for 211 homers this season. And 2. Encouraging every cheeseball headline writer and tweeter to slam his name into some nauseating pun. The Rockies have an incredible. STORY! Colorado is off to a storybook start!! This rookie is a Cinderella STORY. Trevor just told the Diamondbacks a Bedtime…STORY.

Those goobers are just having batting practice. They’re blasting those stupid little puns harder than Story’s smashing the baseball. I can’t wait until he makes a brilliant defensive play, and some tool cracks his knuckles, and types out There are two sides to this STORY!! Has some insufferable YouTube artist dropped a Brady bunch parody yet? Here’s the Story… Of a man named Trevor.. Who has  4 bombs of his own…. Ehhhhhhhhhhhi 

Hey geeks  – Let me make a long story short. Trevor Story has been the coolest player of opening week. And you’re trying to ruin it will your lame little tweets. Stop it. End of Story.



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