Pablo Sandoval has been examined by Dr. James Andrews, following several consultations with Colonel Harland Sanders. And according to the Boston Globe, the Red Sox infielder will undergo season ending surgery on his shoulder.
So the next time anybody in Boston sees Big Pablo in a Red Sox jersey, it will be in Spring Training. You know, just like this year when he showed up over weight, out of shape, and literally busting his belt with his gut.
Here’s a question: I know Dr. James Andrews has extended countless careers. But is there any way while he’s working on Pablo’s shoulder, he would also hook him up with some gastric bypass? Maybe slip one of those sleeves on his stomach that limits the intake of donut holes and jiblets? Because that’s what this guy really needs. Either that or to have his jaw wired shut.
The shoulder is just an injury. That can be fixed. His eating is a way of life. There’s no procedure for that.
And the Red Sox can’t exactly be confident that the dude’s going to stay down, stay lean and live off fresh greens when he’s recovering from surgery. He couldn’t’ even do it when he was healthy and supposedly motivated to earn their money. Never forget, this is the same Pablo that once gained 21 pounds in 21 days, and needed a food babysitter to keep creampuffs out of his gap. He actually has SANDO is his name. And I just don’t think months off work and away from cameras are going to get him to change his name to Pablo Saladval.
4 strikeouts in 6 plate appearances this year. And now he’s done. Boston signed him TO a 95 million dollar deal, and he’s responded by eating 95 thousand meals. The Red Sox are a first place team. But this has been an F-minus signing.
The only good news about The Sando getting shoulder surgery is that means one less arm he can eat with. See you next spring, Sando.
And as always, if you’re really fat, you cannot have Sando as part of your name. Even O.J. Mayo knows that.
This post brought to you by Jim Rome.