63 Million Guaranteed

Can somebody in Philly please cut off the Eagles? Pay their tab and put them in a cab. They’ve had enough.

Because the same team that traded away everything to get Carson Wentz, has now emptied out the vault to pay Fletcher Cox.

The Eagles have signed the D-Lineman to an extension, and it looked like their twitter was hacked when they made the announcement. 6 years, 103 million…  63 million guaranteed!

Look, Fletcher Cox is really good player. He can pass-rush like a mother in the 3-4, he can play the run in the 4-3. He’s a monster. But 63 M guaranteed.

Look, I’d say he’s not worth it, but if someone scratches you that check, and it doesn’t float, then I guess you’re worth it.

But 63 mill? That’s hellified jack!. Maybe, maybe if this dude turns into the Reggie White over the next few years, and plays tight end, and kicks, and coaches… Maybe it will pay off then.

And I’ll now give you an even bigger guarantee than Cox’s 63 Mill. That Von Miller is laughing his ass off at that number. Von’s gotta be thinking – Philly’s out here guaranteeing 63 to a guy who didn’t even have 10 sacks last season? I had 5 in the playoffs!    

Did you see how Von cropped John Elway out of that White House picture? Well he should take a screen shot of Fletcher Cox’s contract and tweet it at Elway next.

This is just more crazy offseason news from the Eagles who seem to be mad with power, despite not winning anything. But it’s a huge pain in the ass for Elway.

Because signing pass rushers is like dealing real estate. It’s all about the comps. If the house two blocks over has the same floor plan as mine, best believe I’m not selling for a dollar less.

And if I’m Von, and I’ve got the fattest crib with the biggest yard and the dopest pool in the whole damn hood, I’m lighting a stogie when I see 4-bedroom with peekaboo ocean views close escrow for 63 million.

Get to work, Gangster John. Because somehow Fletcher Cox just made 63 million dollars and he’s not even the biggest winner. Von Miller is.

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