Haven’t checked in on Florida in a while. That state gets rapped hard for being weird.
So let’s scan the headlines for Florida this week. Florida Man Steals Van So He Can Drive to Waffle House. Florida Man claims he invented the iPhone, sues Apple for 10 billion. Florida Man arrested for punching swan. And Florida State Football team given championship rings after season in which they didn’t even win the conference.
That last story is the most jacked up of all. As revealed on the FSU FOOTBALL twitter account, every Seminole player was given a diamond championship ring, for being the State Champs last season.
That is just painfully lame. The Noles beat Florida, South Florida, and Miami… And somebody felt they needed championship rings for it.
Rings that according to Deadspin, cost Florida State 73 thousand dollars. This is maybe, maybe something a small-time program in a small state could get excited about.
North Dakota State champions. Alaska State champions. But not in Florida.
Why is calling yourself State Champions ridiculous for the Noles? Because they were NATIONAL CHAMPIONS just a couple years ago. You are Florida Freaking State. Papa Bear Bowden. Charlie Ward. Warrick Dunn. Derrick Brooks. Deion. Biletnikoff! Jameis Winston!
And you’re slapping some imaginary title across a cracker-jack trinket? If I’m any of those former Noles, I’m mortified by this. And I’m a Gator or a Cane- I’m laughing hysterically at it.
Former Nole Danny Kanell says the State champs ring is “The dumbest thing I have ever heard.”
And it gets worse. The ring also acknowledges the Noles’ trip to the PEACH BOWL. What’s worse than hyping a Peach Bowl for a factory like FSU? Hyping a Peach Bowl that they LOST!! And what’s worse than giving players a ring hyping a Peach Bowl that they lost? It’s a Peach Bowl that they lost to HOUSTON! Not Alabama. Not Ohio State. They have a ring that immortalizes them losing to the COUGARS… BY TWO TOUCHDOWNS!! So awful, and so incredible.
Rex Ryan saying the Bills won the offseason thinks it’s pretty stupid to say the Noles won the state. The Indianapolis Colts hanging a banner saying AFC Finalist thinks this should be beneath the Noles. Florida State giving state champion rings is more embarrassing than Jameis ripping the Alaskan King Crab.
In fact, the Triple U should be renamed the FSU.
This post brought to you by Jim Rome.